just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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