In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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