i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
