a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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