apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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