I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.