im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.