i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch