yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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