Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
