What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh god the rape fog is back!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
