You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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