I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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