You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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