You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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