The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
