put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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