If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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