so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
