there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
