Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I forget how to act sober
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
