You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
