Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
