I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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