Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
