maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
