it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
