he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?