took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
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they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
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I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend