we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....