Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
