His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way