Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?