i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
