she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
