I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
