My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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