Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
