there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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