dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
