Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
