If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
how drunk are you?
Several
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
