I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize