yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
