oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
