i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
