A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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