marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
