R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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