you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
