This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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