I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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