I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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