Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
