Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
