OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
