i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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