I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
