No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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