Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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