i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
