Can Purell be used as lube?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
