i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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