that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
