Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
A+ Viking dick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
