Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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