I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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