I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
