I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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