you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
