You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
