I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
