tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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