How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize