So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
