The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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