Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
